What Makes a Romance Feel Real to Me
Reading is an escape, but there is an element of romance that always has to be real to me: the romance itself. It’s not that I’m necessarily looking for complete and total accuracy down to every single detail, or that I can’t enjoy romantasy or magical realism romances. It’s simply that I need some emotional truth in the relationship to really buy into it and root for that Happy Ever After (HEA).
One of the greatest compliments I can ever give a book is that the romance and the characters felt real. It’s not the intricate plot or incredible setting that connect us to a setting; instead, it’s those raw human emotions that get us to empathize with characters and see the world from their viewpoint. Those are the books I like to read, and those are the books I like to write!
Whether it’s a small town slow burn, a tension-filled workplace romance in the big city, or two characters falling in love in a fantasy world, romance books with really good writing will make that romance believable. Here’s what I’m looking for when I’m reading or writing a realistic romance book.
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1. Imperfect Characters
This is my number one for a reason! Something I always try to work into my stories is my characters making mistakes. We know that nobody’s perfect, but sometimes in literature we see a main character always doing everything right, even when faced with near-impossible circumstances. That’s just not how life really goes.
In a romance that feels real for adults, characters will have flaws. They won’t always make the right choices—and yes, that can be a little annoying! But the whole point is that they learn from their mistakes and become different people as a result. Mistakes also give characters the chance to redeem themselves and say they’re sorry, which shows a lot of character growth.
In my first book, The Half of It, I was so concerned with how readers would receive the Female Main Character, June. She makes some well-intentioned choices in some difficult situations, and at face value, you could say they’re not the 100% the right things to do. Don’t worry, she definitely pays for it and has to work doubly hard to make things right. That’s what makes her journey so rewarding.
Character imperfections also show up with messy/ugly emotions like jealousy or anger…it’s just natural that we feel that way sometime. If a character is always even-keeled and takes everything in stride, I start to wonder if they’re more of a cardboard cutout serving the purpose of the story.
And I am in the minority here, but we also all engage in some level of miscommunication in our lives. Sometimes we’re afraid to speak our minds, we’re insecure, or we say something else to protect ourself or others. If all the characters I read about have gone through extensive therapy and can speak their thoughts perfectly and stand firm on their boundaries, that’s great…but also not realistic. In romance books with depth, there may very well be some miscommunication, but so long as the miscommunication is justified, it will make sense.
2. Small Moments Where They Fall in Love
Grand gestures are nice, but it’s the little moments that really make me swoon. When he remembers her coffee order or has read all of her published work? That’s the kind of devotion that shows me this is a love that is meant to last.
In the best realistic romance books, you’ll find that love doesn’t just happen because the MMC has abs and nice forearms. A lasting love is a long-term project, and if we’re going to believe that a romance will stand the test of time, it’s nice to know that the characters have more consideration for each other than just what they look like. Physical attraction can be there, but but it’s when a character is attracted to the other’s mind, well-being, and happiness that we can see the romance thriving for years to come.
Beyond those small, caring acts in romance books with realistic characters, it’s also small shared moments that mean so much. Sitting together and quietly watching the rain. Laughing until you have tears streaming down your face. Doing hobbies in companionable silence. Those are especially important in spicy romance books, because readers see that the relationship is about more than sex.
In Just for the Summer by Abby Jimenez, one of the characters become seriously ill with some kind of stomach bug…and once they start feeling better, the other person gets it. It might not be the most romantic to help someone who can’t keep food down, but it’s those sweet moments of care despite the terrible circumstances that make this romance feel real. ps this book is in my summer fling romance roundup!
3. Characters Who Have Lives Outside Each Other
Sometimes romance books are a bit of a bubble, and we only ever see the two main characters together. It’s a romance, after all, so that makes sense, but the best romance books with realistic characters shows them having other friends, full careers, family obligations, and hobbies that bring them joy. We’re all human beings with varied interests and lives, and it’s important to see that in romance books, too.
Relationships IRL don’t exist in a vacuum. As a romance book lover, I want to see love change someone’s life…but I don’t want it to become their entire personality. Give me romance books with good character development, please!
This is honestly part of the juicy tension, especially with books from destination romance authors or in romance novels set abroad. The vacation is a bubble, and when it’s time to pack the bags and head back home to real life, there’s so much internal and external conflict. Was the romance just a fling? How will the characters manage now that they’re not spending every day on a trip together? Is it a romance that can really last? That’s what is going to keep me reading to the very last page.
4. Conflict That Comes From Something Real
I’m not a huge fan of low-angst books—give me the drama, please! But the best realistic romance books of all time don’t just throw conflict into the mix for the sake of adding conflict. It will only feel real if said conflict is grounded and believable.
Conflict can be external, like forces of nature, job responsibilities, or family expectations. Internal conflict, on the other hand, is when we see characters reckoning with past hurts, their dreams, or their fears.
My FMC, Daisy, in In a Desert Daze, has a lot of internal conflict when it comes to accepting love from Max. She’s not only grieving her mother, but she fears having a romantic relationship that ends up just like her parents’ did. Add on the external conflicts, like her struggling hotel, and we have a hefty concoction of issues that can’t be resolved with a simple thirty-second conversation.
Life hardly ever feels simple, so it’s no surprise that those outside forces and heavy emotional baggage will always feel more satisfying to read about than contrived drama.
5. Physical Chemistry That Evolves as Trust Grows
Attraction matters in a relationship, but intimacy looks different when two characters have learned how to be truly vulnerable with each other. Sure, that first kiss might be a pivotal moment in the story, but I’m pretty sure it won’t be the most romantic.
One-night stand romances or books where the characters sleep together early on demonstrate this really well. In Off the Map by Trish Doller, one of my favorite romance books set in Ireland, the two main characters hook up in the first few chapters. That’s not the culmination of the romance, though—it’s just the start! Part of the journey for these two characters is learning to be vulnerable, take chances on each other, and allow themselves to fall for the right person, despite the life circumstances that are working against them.
Chemistry isn’t just in the bedroom, either. It’s an unspeakable bond, like a language you become fluent in that only you two know. It’s inside jokes and holding hands, glances across a room and knowing exactly what the other person wants before they even say it. Those are some of the things in real life that make our hearts stutter and we think, “Wow, I am so into this person,” so it’s nice to see that in books, too.
6. Love Is Not a Magical Bandage That Can Fix Everything
With a budding romance, romance book characters’ problems don’t just disappear. They will still have all their hangups—their grief, trauma, and insecurities. The best realistic romance books Goodreads readers enjoy prove that relationships are not some miraculous, healing Cure-All—but they show that a good relationship can provide the kind of support to take on some of those challenges with someone on their team.
In the small-town romance book The Simple Wild by K.A. Tucker, Calla’s romance with Jonah doesn’t make her situation any easier (honestly, it makes it more complicated in some ways). There is still a happy ever after at the end, but this is definitely one of those romance books that will make you cry. I love Calla’s emotional journey and that falling in love doesn’t just mean her story ends with everything wrapped up in a neat little bow. Because of this, it feels like a real story from the very first page.
So What Makes a Romance Book Feel Real?
Romance books with a good plot will instantly hook you, and that element of emotional realism will be what makes it a book to remember. It doesn’t matter how “real” the world is or how plausible the plot is; instead, what feels real is what we can all relate to most. Deep down, we all just want to be loved, understood, and chosen, despite our imperfections—so what’s more real than two flawed characters finding their HEA with each other?